The HONEST TO GOD, I SWEAR True Story!
by Dory'n'Confu
Summary: A story about love, truth, magic and beards. Mostly the beard part though. Rated O for intense character obnoxiousness. lol SHOCKING ENDING! M/M. Merthur. Merlin/Arthur.
1. Part I

Disclaimer: Arthur owns Merlin. Not us...xD Just kidding. But seriously, we don't own Merlin. Never have, never will...:'(

It was the summer of... what_ever_ (he didn't bother with such trivial things like that) and Arthur had just turned twenty two. After a brief mandatory meeting with his father (who was such a boring bore... SNOREFEST!), he went back to his room and just sat by his fireplace. The light was flickering in his face (his sexy face, cause he's SEXY) as he recalled the sudden memories of what just occurred and what must occur...

It ALL started with a beard...

**FLASHBACK**

"MERLIN!" Arthur shouted, looking for his daft manservant who was quite honestly daft in Arthur's opinion. What man had only one belt to wear but had like 10 different scarves and neckerchiefs? A daft one, that's what. "WHERE IN THE BLOODY HELL **ARE **YOU?"

There was no immediate response. GOD, his manservant was so... so... lazy!

"MERLIN, WHERE _ARE_ YOU?"

Sighing in a manly matter, as he was a complete and utter man-stud, Arthur once again went looking for Merlin (he shouldn't have to do this, HONESTLY!) when he decided that perhaps Gaius might know the whereabouts of the daft idiot.

"GAIUS!" Arthur burst into the physician's home. "DO YOU KNOW WHERE- Oh."

_Theeere_ he was. This is where his manservant had hid himself. Couldn't he have eaten at ANOTHER time?

"Didn't you HEAR me calling for you Merlin? I have been calling your name for at least SIX hours!" Arthur glared in annoyance at the back of his manservant's head, who was currently sitting at the table with his back facing him.

"Six hours?" Merlin responded to him with a mouth full of food. He dropped his spoon into his bowl rather loudly, because he was such a woman sometimes. "It's like noon, I doubt you've been up for that long."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Would you at least LOOK at ME when I'm _TALKING_ to you?"

He could hear Merlin give out a small sigh. "Could I at least finish eating first? I'm almost done..."

"MERLIN." Arthur demanded. "TURN around and LOOK at me. I DEMAND it."

Meanwhile, across the room, Gaius went unnoticed. He raised an eyebrow at the sight of the two of them acting like school children with a crush, and silently walked towards the door, exiting without making a noise.

"Arthur!" Merlin yelled, and in Arthur's opinion he sounded like a little girl squealing. "Could you just let me eat in peace? I'm almost done!"

"MERLIN!" Arthur demanded again, because he was allowed to demand things at his servant. "I need you to scrub my tub, clean up ALL of my dirty clothes off of the ground, wash my undergarments until SPOTLESS, scrub the floors, press my socks, shine my boots, rehang my curtains, fix the broken chair I tripped on last night, brush my hair, shave my beard-"

Merlin turned around, glaring immensely at him. It took Arthur a moment to comprehend what was going on. This occurrence was something he never thought he would ever witness in his ENTIRE lifetime.

"OH MY GOD!"

Merlin only stared back at him, milk dripping from what only Arthur could describe was an enormous beard.

"WHEN DID YOU GROW THAT THING?" Arthur demanded. "I SAW YOU EARLIER AND YOU HAD NOTHING ON YOUR FACE!"

**END OF FLASHBACK  
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(cont. of the flashback thing) (Only for a MOMENT, as he was was not done telling the story, OBVIOUSLY.)

Arthur sighed rubbing his chin (in a non-dramatic manner, he didn't partake in such things!), remembering the memory quite well as it stuck in his mind like how muck stuck on horses hooves. He grinned at his inner musings, because yes, he was a complete package. Sexy and smart.

**RETURN TO FLASHBACK**

Merlin continued glaring before moving to wipe the milk away from his huge (not manly! Arthur was the manly one!) beard.

"WELL?" Arthur asked. "Are you going to ANSWER me?" Seriously how in the world had Merlin grown such a large beard in such a short amount of time?

"Arthur, look- "

Arthur rushed over after getting what he thought was an excellent idea, to grab Merlin's beard and pull on it roughly.

"Ow!" Merlin yelped and glared at him again. "What are you doing!"

Arthur rolled his eyes, moving to give one last tug on the beard. He had to make sure it was still real! "Obviously I had to test out if it was a REAL beard or not, MERLIN."

Merlin gave another one of his girly-pout sighs and began rubbing his chin to sooth it while mumbling to himself "I knew you would act this way..."

"WHAT did you say?" Arthur demanded. GOD! He was NOT the deaf and dumb one of the duo.

"I didn't want you to know..." Merlin looked away from him and Arthur wanted to tug on his beard again. "...because you just wouldn't understand."

"What." Arthur said glaring. What did he mean he _wouldn't _understand. Arthur was a Prince and he was quite understanding!

"My eyes are up here." Merlin muttered with a tinge of annoyance in his voice and Arthur snapped up. He couldn't help but stare at what he was now dubbing 'The Beard'! He sat there pondering immensely with his awesome brain and came to one conclusion: Something STRANGE was going on here.

"One," Arthur ticked off, moving to plop down comfortably across from Merlin who still hadn't stopped his womanly glaring fest... thing (and he wasn't going to stand around like some servant all day). "You totally did not have that earlier and TWO!" He said pounding his fist down on the table in a matter-of-fact manner. "I tugged on that REALLY hard and it didn't even BUDGE! _What_ is your _secret_?"

Apparently his manservant did not bother to respond.

Arthur suddenly narrowed his eyes at him. "How on EARTH did you grow a full length beard in just a matter of hours!" He thought for a moment, watching Merlin's reactions carefully. "Gaius gave you something didn't he? Well whatever it is... I want some."

"Excuse me?" Merlin asked. "Arthur, no it's- "

"Oh don't be such a hog! Do _share_. Is it some sort of hair growing tonic? There's no other explanation... unless..."

"Arthur, no. I can explain _everythin-_ "

"**Oh** my _GOD_..." Arthur drawled out dramatically. Something had hit him like a plate full of meat, he couldn't believe that he hadn't realized it before...

"Arthur, before you jump to any conclusio-"

"You're not wearing your scarf!" Where was his scarf? Did he just take it off because his beard was now hiding his neck? Just what was going on with Merlin? It was almost as if...

Merlin just rolled his eyes in reaction to his outburst. Then he proceeded to give him a look of... pity was it?

_Pity_.

Arthur scoffed. "Why do you _look_ at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"..._.You know_..." He drawled out darkly, narrowing his eyes.

"Umm... sorry? Arthur... there's something I really should tell you..." Merlin announced to him, a little to femininely in his opinion. But, Merlin was Merlin. What was happening to his manservant? It was like he was trying to change his whole image or something. Then something clicked in his head.

"Merlin, I accept."

"Um, what?"

"I accept your challenge."

"What challenge? I never- "

"You did when you grew _that_." He pointed to his beard. The urge to pull on it suddenly rose again as he tried to ignore it. "Mark my words... one of these days... I will out-beard you."

"Are you drunk?"

"What?" Seriously, did he say what he think his manservant just said?

"What?" Merlin quickly covered it up.

"You asked me if I was drunk." Did he think he was daft? He wasn't born yesterday.

"No I didn't. Nope... no. Not me. You must have me confused with someone else." Merlin shook his head, avoiding eye contact with him.

**END OF SECOND FLASHBACK**

(That will continue shortly.)

Arthur stroked his non-existent beard as of the moment next to the roaring fireplace in thought. The light hitting his face, outlining his sexy defined features.

Arthur had a secret that he dared not tell anybody. Not even his father. Yes, that was right. Merlin wasn't the only one with a suspicious secret that was so obvious that he was hiding... the simple fact was Arthur was far better at hiding his than Merlin will ever be at hiding his. Which again, was so painfully obvious he had one...

The simple fact of the matter was... Arthur had tried to grow a beard before long ago...

He rubbed his chin some more, trying to push back the scarring memories. Ever since it happened... He shook his head, shaking away the thoughts. No, He mustn't think of such things... never again.

**BACK TO FLASHBACK**

Arthur pouted a manly pout. A _sexy _manly pout because that was the only way he could do it. That was another trait of his he had inherited since birth.

"I think you're HIDING something from me MERLIN and I want to know what it is!"

"I- what- I have no idea- " His servant blubbered on about and Arthur was too distracted to listen by the way Merlin's beard bobbed when Merlin gaped like a fish trying to talk to him.

"Could you and your BEARD be any less distracting?" Arthur said, annoyed that Merlin's magical hypnotizing beard was distracting him so easily from the whole point as to how he had even gotten the beard in the first place!

"Arthur, I'm still lost as to how this became a _competition_..."

"When you tried to out-man me!" Arthur yelled, thinking it was quite obvious. "As my manservant, a girly one at that, you set a challenge by growing that beard!"

"Girly?" Merlin shrieked like a girl, looking furious like one as well. "How does growing a beard make me girly?"

Arthur put his hand up to stop Merlin from continuing his girl chatter. "No you've got it all wrong. It's not the beard itself, it's that you were _already_ girly before the beard and- "

"Arthur, honestly, are you drunk? Are you upset about something so you're lashing out and needing a good talk with someone?"

"-Are trying to grow one to out-man me. The Prince! Trying to out-man the Prince and your- "

"I am not girly! What is your problem?" Merlin crossed his arms in front of himself. "I wish you would just drop all of this!"

"-Master! Honestly? How could one be so daft at the knowledge that that wouldn't be a challenge! Well, then again you've only been in Camelot for a few years- "

"WOULD YOU JUST STOP IT ALREADY?" Merlin suddenly yelled into his face, beard partly fluttering about and Arthur was momentarily distracted. Again.

"Did YOU just yell at ME?" Arthur rose an eyebrow. His servant was just FULL of challenges today, wasn't **he**?

"NO! I will not stop this! Will you just leave me alone!"

"Uh, _no_." Arthur scoffed. "I will not stop because I demand answers."

"It is, it is, UGH." Merlin was throwing a hissy fit. "I can't help it okay!"

Finally there was SOMETHING interesting about Merlin. "_What_ do you mean you can't _help_ it? For God's sake Merlin, no one can help that they _can grow a beard_."

"I was trying to explain it earlier but you just **couldn't** let me **finish**..."

"What are you saying _exactly_?"

"Are you serious?" Merlin said, face getting red but it was hard to see most of it through all of that bushy beard he was now supporting (and no he was not angry he couldn't see Merlin's beautiful neck anymore!). "Look, Arthur, I can't really help the fact that my beard grew!"

"WHAT does that even MEAN?"

Merlin let out a rather loud, obnoxious sigh indicating that he was in fact annoyed with the Prince. (_Him_. _He_ was annoyed with _me_? He was the one talking in riddles! He couldn't help the fact that his beard grew...? What the bloody hell was that nonsense?)

"Look- "

"No!" Arthur cut him off, again. He needed to get to the bottom of this... one does not simple grow a beard over night. It is impossible... unless..."Did you... _use magic_...?"

Merlin in return, just gave him in incredulous look. "Would you _please_ let me explain? Before you jump to dangerous conclusions resulting in my ultimate **death**."

"Don't be ridiculous, MERlin. Why would I have you killed?"

Merlin gave him a indescribable look.

"Go on. Explain. Since you deny all of my _other_ claims." Arthur motioned for him to continue.

Merlin inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Weeeeeell... you were kinda right on the mark with that last assumption..."

"WHAT- "

"BUT NOT ENTIRELY!" Merlin shouted over him. "Let me explain, well, I was going to have to tell you sooner or later, and well... it wouldn't be right for me to hide things from you when we- I mean-"

"My god, are you engaged?"

"What? NO! Would you quit interrupting me?"

"Go on, then."

"I'm a wizard. I have magic."

Arthur jolted awake from dozing off momentarily. He couldn't help it... his voice was so soothing it made him want to sleep _all the time. _"I'm sorry, come again?" He asked, full attention on Merlin again.

"I'm a _wizard_, Arthur. I have _magic._" Merlin repeated.

Arthur stared at Merlin for a moment. Then broke out in a laugh. "Ha! No really, how did you grow that beard overnight?"

"It just magically grows itself every night. With _MAGIC_. I usually have Gaius help me shave it before I come see you in the morning..."

"What-?"

"Gaius explained it to me, I-It's like, he described it as 'magical puberty' and since my magic is so strong- "

Arthur snorted, as he couldn't hold it in, because REALLY. "You? Strong?"

Merlin gave him a hard glare making Arthur realize he wasn't paying attention again. He crossed his arms. "Go on."

"And he said that in a few years it'll become more... _manageable_." Merlin looked at him, partially vulnerable. "Are you really okay with this Arthur?"

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Well, as long as you don't WALK around all smug with it and being more manly than me, then I can't say I mind."

Merlin's mouth fell open in shock and Arthur wanted to pull on his beard to get that look off of his face. (What? He could be nice!)

"Not the _beard_ Arthur!" Merlin gestured with his hands and whispered. "My _magic_."

Oh. "I KNEW that. You don't need to _point_ it out for me... _Mer_lin." Arthur sighed. "As I said before, I wouldn't just go and kill you for growing a magical beard."

**END FLASHBACK**

Arthur was only going to admit this fact inside of his mind... because he was the only one inside of it (he hoped... sometimes he had suspicions about Merlin's abilities because he disturbingly knew him so well) . The truth was... he had been jealous of Merlin's magical beard. It was so bloody hard seeing someone who didn't even want a beard grow one without even trying while after hard attempt after hard attempt all he could get was... odd stubble.

He had quite the (sexy) features for one, as the firelight was constantly showing a reminder of that as it shadowed and danced across the face. Merlin had tried to be nice about it, often showing how truly girly he was by his actions and not talking about his beard filled mornings very often.

**RETURN TO FLASHBACK... AGAIN**

Arthur suddenly thought of something because he was incredibly (VERY much so!) sharp. "Why DO you still have a beard right now... _Mer_lin?"

Merlin looked over from his pondering (he just would NOT get off the subject of his magic and shock about how Arthur wasn't going to murder him) to give him a sad look.

"I tried, but, I don't even really know HOW it happened..." Merlin paused. "...the razor broke. Gaius said he would go into town next chance he got to pick one up."

"_Repeat_ that _please_."

"The, um, razor broke?"

"HOW in the WORLD did you break a razor?" Arthur yelled, standing up to begin pacing around.

"Well, not me technically, but my beard." Was only Merlin's supply on an explanation.

"Your **magical beard** broke a razor?"

Merlin shrugged. "You didn't want to believe me when I said I had a lot of strong magic."

Arthur scoffed. "Who could blame me? You're _MER_lin. My _manservant._"

"Why is it so shocking that I have magic..?" Merlin trailed off.

"It's not about the magic! It's about that _beard_. That magical beard of yours. It's... It- It's just not fair!" Arthur did something next that he was probably never ever going to forgot or possibly live down for the rest of his life. He ran - well busted out of the room with only a _few _manly tears trickling down his face. Because he was a man, and men do not cry over... such things that must stay hidden.

And so, he ended up back in his room. Sitting by his fireplace, stroking his chin softly as he went over the memories. It had started with a beard... and now he needed to figure out his next motive of action. He knew he'd have to face Merlin again. Especially with that performance he just displayed. How could he cover that up? It wasn't him? He was under the influence of magic? No... that wouldn't fool, Merlin. He stroked his chin more, then got a brilliant idea.

"MERLIN!" Arthur stormed through Merlin's bedroom door, skipping the knocking since he wasn't really obligated to do so anyways. He _was_ a prince after all.

Merlin was sitting on his bed, reading a large book that was currently faced down as he looked up, looking like he just pissed himself for his sudden intrusion.

"What in Gods name, Arthur." Merlin wanted answers, that was obvious.

"Can you... change colors of things... with your magic?" Arthur asked casually, leaning against his dresser.

"What- I don't see why- "

"Just answer the question. Can you?"

"I-I suppose yes... why?"

Arthur straightened up and walked over to his bed, kneeling down so he was eye level with his face. "I need you to do something for me..."

"Okay..."

"But before you do this for me, I need to explain something very delicately to you."

"Okay..."

"I once tried to grow a beard..."

Merlin tried to hold back a snicker, but failed miserably. "I'm sorry. Not funny. Continue."

"Well... the thing is... when the first signs of stubble started showing up..." He started stroking his chin idly while he was talking. "I had a strange feeling, but it was too early to tell. I woke up one morning, I hadn't looked at the progress of my beard in _days_... and... well... let us just say that Morgana had to tell me since no one else would. I knew something was up when everybody I passed immediately went into fits of laughter once I was out of their sight."

Merlin was intrigued. "What was it?"

"It was _ginger_, Merlin. My **beard**... was _ginger_." He put his face in his hands, hiding the embarrassment and shame.

"I see..."

"So will you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Change the color of my beard when it comes in! _Honestly_, Merlin. Keep up!"

"I don't know..." Merlin mumbled, attempting to discreetly put the book away underneath his pillow but Arthur caught on because he totally knew everything that went on. He was a manly Prince after all. "What do I get out of it?"

Arthur thought as quickly as a jumping rabbit (that totally reminded him that he and Merlin should go on another 'hunting trip' quite soon in the future, though not much hunting actually went on...). "A kiss?"

Merlin actually pulled a _face_ on _him_. "Is that it?"

Arthur growled at Merlin's look of pure deviousness, pretending to be innocent while he laid on his bed and twiddled his thumbs. He jumped up, wondering why he was kneeling on Merlin's floor in the first place to talk to him and instead moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I CANNOT believe you find this funny MERLIN!" Arthur complained (he hardly ever did, so he believed he had the right to!). "This is a serious situation and all you've done is giggle and grin the **whole** time."

Merlin rolled his eyes at him before pushing himself up to lean against his pillow and finally, FINALLY, gave him a serious look.

"Alright, now just let me get this whole entire story straight." Merlin ended up getting this stupidly cute thinking face on and Arthur cursed at himself for noticing. He could do that later! "You tried to grow a beard, and it wasn't working very well. But then one day it did but then it ended up being... a _ginger _beard...?"

"Yes MERLIN, a _ginger beard_!" Arthur sneered. "**Must** you keep repeating that?"

"And you want to try to grow another beard, and with the help of my magic, to make it a blonde... _beard_?"

"God yes you finally get it!"

"Hmm." Merlin mumbled, bring up his hand to his now clean shaven chin in a pondering matter where he hopefully was thinking about helping because if not Arthur was going to throw a chair... or something. Okay maybe not. "Come closer for a moment."

"Dear God, WHY?"

"Could you just _please _do it, it'll only take a moment."

Arthur did so, feeling weird that Merlin was inspecting his chin of all things while making little noises as he stared and Arthur wished he would stop noticing these things and think about **beards**!

"Arthur?"

"**What**?" he snapped, before finally saying it nicely after seeing the unimpressed look Merlin gave him. "What."

Merlin gave him a nervous look. "Will you promise not to tell anyone about something?"

Arthur rolled his eyes. This probably had to do with his magic. Hadn't he already _explained_ to Merlin his acceptance? "Yes, yes, whatever you want."

Merlin shifted forward, slowly pulling the book out from behind his pillow and it wasn't like Arthur hadn't already known it was hidden there. "This," Merlin said opening the cover. "Is my book of magic."

"Okay, AND?"

"I'm hoping it can help me with, your uh, problem." Merlin gave him a grin before it turned into a somewhat doubtful look. "I know I said I have strong magic, but I'm still inexperienced and I'll try my best to help."

Arthur was secretly proud of Merlin but there was no way he would ever let it show... maybe. "Alright, well, get searching!"

Merlin put up a hand to silence. "I'm agreeing to help you only because you'll promise to do something for me in return."

"Why are _you_ even demanding _things_?" Arthur whined. "I'm the Prince and your Master!"

Merlin gave him another rather unimpressed look, slowly sliding the book closed and it was making Arthur sweat and curse harshly inside of his head. "Fine! I'll do whatever you ask! _Please just stop the gingerness of my future beard!_"

After Merlin finally agreed and that they would discuss the bargain later his then took his sweet ol' time going through his magic book, making odd faces here and there as he read things and apparently got to a chapter that made him blush profusely.

"WHY are you all RED, _Mer_lin?"

Merlin had never responded only flipping farther back into the book.

"Alright Arthur I'm going to try a spell on you." Merlin said reading the page over a few times.

"FINALLY!" Arthur said moving onto the middle of the bed and faced Merlin. "This isn't going to HURT, is it?"

Merlin shrugged the sneaky little bastard. "Probably not, but then again I don't really know."

"UGH, just get _on_ with it then!"

Merlin straightened his back, moving up his arm and facing his palm toward Arthur's chin and gaining an intense look of concentration. He muttered a confusing line of words Arthur couldn't understand and he gasped noticing that Merlin's eyes changed to the color of gold! He was going to comment on it but suddenly his chin began to feel all prickly and strange. "Oh my GOD! You're going to make my jaw fall off!"

"Arthur, honestly..." Merlin set his arm back to his against side and shook his head. "Don't be such a girl."

"You're the _girl_!" How dare Merlin make such an accusation! Did he even notice how toned and manly Arthur was?

"Whatever." Merlin mumbled putting the book back behind his pillow. "You'll just have to wait and see..."

**THREE DAYS LATER**

"_**MEERLIIIIIN**_!" Arthur yelled furiously bursting into Gaius' chambers. Gaius, who was apparently eating breakfast, quickly stood up without a word and left.

"**MERLIN!**"

"What...?" Merlin sleepily mumbled a few moments later, coming out of his room in all of his bearded glory.

"WHAT did you DO to me MERLIN?" Arthur shouted, even more annoyed now seeing Merlin's perfect and accidental magical beard.

"Arthur, I don't understand-"

"LOOK AT THIS BEARD! LOOK AT IT!"

Merlin squinted his eyes at him. "What's wrong with it?"

"_Well_." He said as obnoxiously and manly as he could. "It seems to me that you only made the situation WORSE! Dear GOD Merlin you managed to make my beard even more ginger than it's gingerness before! Instead of SLIGHTLY ginger, it's now half-way to a flaming ginger beard. FLAMING MERLIN, FLAMING!"

Merlin actually had the decency to look ashamed. "...Oh."


	2. Part II

Approximately fifteen and a half minutes later, Arthur and Merlin were sitting in Merlin's room. On Merlin's extremely uncomfortable pathetic excuse for a bed. Arthur's bottom was starting to hurt, but he had more urgent matters that needed to be dealt with. "Merlin."

Merlin made a small, 'hmm?' sound, not even taking his eyes off his supposedly 'magical' book of spells.

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur bopped him upside his head.

"Ow! What did you do that for?" Merlin moaned, rubbing the pain away.

Arthur looked offended. "Hmm, let's see. A couple of minutes ago, I came to you for your assistance which you have failed to give me since I've gotten here. Instead of fixing the situation, you made it worse. Now, not only do I have a ginger beard... I also have BLUE hair! Honestly MERLIN, you really don't have to worry about me spoiling your secret at all. You're obviously not a threat to the kingdom." Arthur huffed obnoxiously crossing his arms. He took a dramatic inhale of breath. "We don- _correction_- _**I **_DON'T HAVE ALL DAY FOR THIS! Fix me!"

"What do you think I've been trying to do?"

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose. "_Hon_estly, Merlin... I have no idea... perhaps that book really isn't a BOOK of MAGIC. " Arthur said, implying something. "Do I really have to explain to you my situation again? Because, Honestly. I don't think you've been listening very well."

"Not this again..." Merlin mumbled.

"Merlin, let me explain something to you."

Merlin rolled his eyes, going back to flipping through his book.

"_I_... have a tournament this afternoon."

"So, don't take off your helmet..." Merlin muttered sarcastically, keeping his primary focus on his magic book.

"I am to present myself, _prop_erly, in front of my father and the people of Camelot."

"So, don't take off your helmet..."

"If you do not fix me in the next... oh I don't know... how 'bout **NOW**- I swear the next time you clean my room... it** will **be a nightmare."

Merlin started snapping his fingers, pointing at a page in his book.

"Merlin, I AM talking!"

Merlin ignored him. "I think I've found something!"

"I swear to God you better have the right spell, who knows what could be next. Perhaps I'll get purple eyelashes!"

Merlin ignored him and started reading a spell out of his little book.

Arthur closed his eyes, then asked when Merlin was done chanting."Did it work?"

"Yeaaah, you might want to keep your eyes shut..."

"_Merl_in... WHAT did you DO to me?"

"I'm sorry... I really am! I can fix this!"

"MERLIN!" Arthur yelled, glaring at him and demanding to know what he had done to him.

"Well, the good news is: No more blue hair."

"...And the bad news?"

"It's... red."

Arthur growled and grabbed the mirror that had been sitting on the end of Merlin's bed. "MERLIN! MY _HAIR_ IS **RED**."

"I'm sorry..." Merlin cringed, seriously looking apologetic.

"FLAMING MERLIN! FLAMING!"

Merlin gave him a worried look, biting his lip (why did Merlin always have to do such distracting THINGS like that? WHY?) while he dove back down to look once again through that _'magic' _book of his which suspiciously smelled a lot like wine.

Arthur was about to run his hand through his hair but caught himself at the last second. There was no way in HEAVENS he was going to touch that _ginger_ pile of hair on top of his head. Maybe only if he was wearing thick gloves or something...

"_Mer_lin how do you EXPECT me to explain to everyone that I've suddenly gone ginger? HM?" Arthur yelled, not caring that he was ranting for one second.

"Well, I-I-"

"Ex**act**ly!" Arthur began pacing back and forth in the small quarters of his manservant's room. "You are lucky you're... _you_, and that _we are_..." He waved his hand back and forth between them for a moment indicating that something was going on. Like between his bedsheets (he wished desperately). Arthur felt his eyebrow twitch momentarily because of his strange mind wanderings. "Or you would seriously be in trouble. So. Lucky."

Merlin, of all things, let out a huff. "Maybe I should ask Gaius for help..."

"No." Arthur deadpanned. "Oh no no no. No. No way. NO ONE is seeing me like this. No one!"

"Well you didn't seem so confident in my abilities earlier..." Merlin mostly muttered to himself. "...just figured you would want someone else."

Arthur began rubbing his temples, starting to get a headache (because things just HAD to end up worse!) because Merlin was acting like a little girl again. "Where's your **makeup** _Mer_lin? We might as well _draaaw_ some FRECKLES on me seeing as I am now forever already half a _ginger_. Just need to complete the package and then my life TRULY will have gone down the chamber pot."

"Arthur, it's not that bad looking- I- What? I don't have any makeup." Merlin stopped whatever he was doing, giving Arthur an annoyed glare. "And that's a bit dramatic."

"Really? I thought you _needed_ it to go with your dress." Arthur pointed out. It wasn't his fault he was so sexily smart.

Merlin let out a sigh. "Arthur, we talked about this already. It wasn't mine."

"Really? I do not believe you." Arthur said, walking straight toward something resembling a dresser, opened the door in a swift manly manner, and took only a brief moment to find a perfectly folded dress that was hidden near the bottom. He picked it up, swinging around to hold it open to his manservant who had his mouth open in disbelief. Arthur rose a sexy eyebrow. "I'm always right, MERlin."

"That- How did you- " Merlin hung his head. "It is _not _mine."

"Still don't believe you."

"Look, it's Morgana's..."

Everything changed after that moment. Arthur's mouth feel open, not even registering in his awesome mind that he had instantly dropped the dress in disgust. He watched as Merlin got all red from (dear GOD, hopefully) shame and Arthur started getting various disturbing images in his mind's eye. Did Merlin have some sort of fetish for power, money and beauty (he was not beautiful; just incredibly manly, sexy and handsome all rolled into one perfect package)? Or did he have just a Pendragon one. "Oh my _GAWD_, Merlin! You have one of Morgana's dresses that you wear? Do you _fantasize_ about my father in only his _crown_ as well?" (Ugh, double gross!)

He watched as Merlin got a little green in the face. "What? Arthur that's disgusting..."

"I DEMAND answers!"

Suddenly Merlin got a weird look on his face like he had to poop or something. "I know what you are doing Arthur!" He huffed and Arthur rolled his eyes. "You are picking on me and taking the attention off of your... _ginger beard_." Merlin whispered the last part.

"I am not!" Arthur defended himself. "Just get rid of this _disease_ you have _plagued_ me with!"

Merlin gave him a sarcastic smile. "I'll talk to Gaius then and you can stay here because you are obviously too _afraid_."

"I am not." Arthur crossed his arms in a manly armor, sitting back on the edge of Merlin's bed with his nose in the air. Merlin turned to leave. "I will wait here."

First a few minutes went by, and then five. Soon it was ten and so on and Arthur was starting to get jittery and NERVOUS because Merlin was certainly taking a long time to talk with Gaius. There was no BLOODY way he was going to that _tournament_ as a _ginger_. His father would probably disown him for it...

Finally Merlin came back, looking upset and possibly ashamed. "What is _wrong_ with you?"

Merlin dropped down next to him on the bed in one huge depressed and _lazy_ plop. "I told Gaius and he was not very happy I told you about... _my magic_." He whispered dramatically. "Or that I tried to help you with it."

"You told him about my _ging_er beard?"

"**No!**"

"Oh." Arthur said awkwardly, setting a comforting arm around Merlin who turned toward him ended up crying into his chest. He patted his manservant's shoulder and thanked GOD no one was here to see him being so unmanly. "There, there, _Mer_lin. It's alright. Gaius is just... probably..." Arthur had no idea what to say.

Merlin came back up, sniffling like a woman and wiping away his tears. "Thanks Arthur. Gaius said he would still help."

Arthur turned away, trying to hold back his obnoxious sigh. "WHY did you not tell me that BEFORE, _Mer_lin?"

It was happening... today was the day. Arthur was beyond rampant. Where was Merlin? Better question- why **hadn't **he fixed him yet? A sudden wrath was unleashed from Arthur as he violently tipped over his table- just as Merlin was walking in. Figures.

"What are you, crazy?"

"_Crazy_? Crazy isn't exactly what I was going for, Merlin. I'm completely one hundred percent _POSITIVELY_ _**crazy**_!" Arthur yelled at Merlin. It seemed that over the past couple of days not only had his ginger beard gotten more... ginger (Who knows how much more red it could've possibly gotten), but, it seemed to have grown out a tad, a little past his shoulder blades. "QUIT STARING AT IT MERLIN!"

Merlin flinched and looked elsewhere, not even bothering to correct him that crazy is what he first called him in the first place. But regretted doing so when he saw the state of his room. It looked as if a three year old had run though there and threw a huge tantrum. Or maybe a tornado... either way, it was a disaster, and _guess_ who had to clean it?

"Don't just _STAND_ there! _DO _SOMETHING! It's getting _REDDER_ by the second!"

"That's not even possible..." Merlin muttered.

A few hours and a couple of minutes later, Merlin was back in Arthur's room helping him put on his armor for the tournament.

"Merlin... I just want to let you know... I _hate_ you, _SOOOOOO_ _**much **_right now." Arthur grumbled out through his mass of ginger beard.

Merlin tried to mute his laughter, simply replying as apologetic as he could muster. "I am _so _sorry, sir."

Which in return, earned him a flat out glare.

Merlin cleared his throat awkwardly, grabbing Arthur's helmet. "Okay. This should... just about..." He placed the helmet on over Arthur's glare. "Do it. There." He said, standing back to take a look. "Perfect." He grinned.

"_Merlin_. Aren't you _forgetting _something."

Merlin gave him a blank expression, finding nothing wrong with his appearance.

"MY _BEARD_! MY _FLAMING_ **GINGER** BEARD IS _STICKING_ OUT OF MY HELMET! You _HONESTLY_ don't _see_ **THAT**? MY _GOD_, IT'S AS _LONG_ AS A HORSE'S TAIL!"

Merlin took a serious moment to think it over. Arthur took off his helmet, scratching at his now itchy beard. "I could... tuck it in... if you want."

"Tuc- _Tuck_ it _in_? Are you serious, right now? In case you haven't _NOTICED_ Merlin. It's _long._.." He picked the end of it and held it out an arms length away from him, "_REALLY_ long, if you tuck this, HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO _MOVE_ MY HEAD WITHOUT IT TUGGING AT MY CHIN!"

"WELL THEN I'LL JUST CUT IT!"

Arthur backed away, shocked. "_Excuse_ me?" Merlin just stared, not knowing what to say. "Lemme ask you something, _MER_lin." Arthur paused, taking a deep intake of breath while pinching the bridge of his nose, after exhaling he looked him right in the eyes. "Do you believe me to be _daft_? You _HONESTLY_ think I haven't tried that since you- since you've been well doing _NOTHING_ to fix this." Merlin was about to defend himself, before Arthur erupted. "WELL I HAVE! LET ME TELL YOU! IT GROWS BACK FASTER!"

"I haven't been doing nothing!" Merlin argued back, fighting back a sob.

Arthur's rage instantly vanished, upon seeing Merlin's face. "Merlin. I- I'm sorry. But it's... it's _ginger_."

"I know..."

"Well, at least it's not... well at least my hair and beard aren't _pink_." Arthur tried to joke but inside he was still exploding in... something. Some big word he couldn't think of right now because he was so... anyway that wasn't the point! Yelling at Merlin with whom agreed that they shared certain... _'feelings'_ with each other wasn't going to help. So instead Arthur was going to be manly and try to not act like a child who was not getting the new toy he wanted. He was so great with words.

He ended up pouting, putting his helmet back on solemnly.

"Are you sure you can't get out of the tournament?" Merlin asked him hopefully, his eyes big like a cute puppy Arthur used to have... until someone ran it over with a horse. That was a _horrible_ day and dare he admit it... he cried about it. He hoped that whomever spent the day in the dungeons felt bad about what they had done.

"No. _No_. I cannot simply... _not appear_ at this tournament. No." Arthur glared at the ground instead of his manservant. "**No**."

Merlin sighed. "Well, how about... we can... I... there has to be..."

Not meaning to, it had honestly just slipped out and Arthur ended up really really regretting it because he was a nice guy deep down and definitely a gentleman so he hated his mouth for sprouting out, "Well isn't someone being the genius they are known to be. Have you run out of brain juice well into the beginning of that thought or are you just sprouting out random words in hopes they will coherently form a proper sentence that actually makes any _sense_." Oh, oh _shit_.

Merlin stopped everything and stared blankly at him, blinking those big puppy eyes at him. His bottom lip started trembling and Arthur felt horrible like he was some big ol' mean jerk. But he was still a _sexy_ and _manly _one, he had to tell himself that to not feel as guilty or something.

His manservant turned around, not looking him in the face for a moment as he apparently calmed down his nerves. He was not feeling bad that Merlin was taking shuddering breaths and his shoulders were shaking, no he wasn't. No. **No**. No... okay yes he was. Arthur put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm, er, truly sorry _Merlin_ for saying something so... so... _ungentlemanly-_."

And then a stupid stinky guard had to come in and ruin everything by one, discarding this obvious very important moment between the two of them and two, that he once again made Arthur remember he was moments away from fighting in a tournament as a... _ginger_.

"Sire, the tournament is going to start in a few moments!" He had called in, OBVIOUSLY (thankfully) not getting to see Arthur in all of his gingerness. Flaming gingerness.

"Yes, thank you **thank you** now PLEASE, _leave us_."

After the guard left, Merlin finally turned around and Arthur _tried_ for a charming and apologetic smile, but he wasn't sure how it looked with such a bushy beard... he'd maybe have to practice that in a mirror one day when he actually had a normal beard. His manservant let out a huge, HUGE shuddering sigh.

"All... _better_ now?" God, Arthur felt like he was trying to console his woman partner who was PMSing about who knows what.

"Yes, _Arthur_. Now stop flapping your gums so we can try to find a solution." Merlin was obviously attempting humor (SO not funny!) and not being disobedient. Arthur would let that one slide because he had just been not very nice twice in a row.

So Arthur rubbed at his temples, willing away his head from hurting but it was difficult with the helmet on so he gave up. When he looked up Merlin held a pensive look on his face and by GOD was it a cute one. And then Arthur felt ashamed because his thoughts had roamed. In a time of crisis. About him. Involving Merlin. _Again_.

"We could try to hide it with flour or ink... but I don't think we have time for that." Merlin mumbled to himself, staring Arthur down.

"That sounds _messy_ anyway."

"As you said, cutting it away won't work so we obviously can't do _that_..."

"Well, yes, _obviously_."

"Another try at a spell?" Merlin tried with a hopeful manner.

"_Don't even think about it_."

And then Merlin suddenly got this look on his face, like he needed to pass wind or something and Arthur felt highly offended because he **always** walked away if he needed to do that in front of Merlin, except for the first time and his manservant had somehow managed to send a murderous glare in his direction while simultaneously looking like he wanted to get sick all over the pile of Arthur's laundry he had just gotten washed.

"I _swear_, if you use flatulence RIGHT NOW and make this situation even _worse_ than it already is Merlin I will... do something... disastrous." Like tip over a piece of furniture for the third time.

"What? Arthur, _no_, I might have a solution. It's the best I've got for the moment." Merlin looked incredibly disturbed as he said this, probably about Arthur being a big manly-man and doing something dangerous. Probably.

Arthur cleared his throat in a manly manner. "Well?"

"You could say that you are... jesting?" Merlin looked a bit sheepish as he said this, like Arthur might retaliate negatively or something. What_ever_.

"Merlin." Arthur said evenly, tone calm.

"Yes?" There he went again, being bashful and shy or whatever.

"Merlin." Arthur said again. "You want me to go in front of all of those people, my knights and opponents. My **Father**. Oh God, _Morgana_! And you want me to _jester about _as if this isn't serious?"

"You could say you lost a bet!" Merlin retaliated. "And that there is great honor to your word and that you showed courage in keeping to it?"

Arthur felt his heart skip a beat. "That may _actually_ work."

And then Merlin had to go and _smile_ at him making his stupid heart do that thing again.

"Yes, well, it doesn't mask the fact that I will _forever _be a ginger." Arthur pouted (in a very manly and sexy manner, mind you).

"I'm so sorry!" Merlin babbled, looking truly sorry about it. He got closer, looking Arthur straight in the eye. "I am really sorry, Arthur, and I promise to try to find a way to help you and in the mean time I'll comb your beard for you and wash it and braid it or tie it for you - in a manly manner of course!"

Hm. "That is all acceptable, seeing as it will all be manly." Arthur smiled weakly. "I'm not... _angry_ at you. Well, not as much as I had been." Because he was still ginger. **Ginger**.

Then that stinky guard from before (and Arthur wasn't being a jerk, that guy really did smell for some strange reason...) came back in.

"Prince Arthur, the tournament is just about to start!"

Arthur took in a deep and steadying breath and Merlin looked a bit sympathetic (not as much as should, in Arthur's opinion). "Well. Here it goes."

"Good luck Arthur."

And then Arthur was turning, walking away and something incredibly obnoxious happened.

"WAAAAAAAAAIT!"

Both Arthur and Merlin turned around to find Gaius panting as he stood in the open door. Arthur felt his lip curl in disgust. Did Gaius have to be so _over-dramatic_? Arthur was the one suffering here.

"Gaius?" Merlin asked, and thank God because Arthur was still stunned from disgust. "Has something happened?"

Gaius nodded. "I am quite glad in the fact that I caught you before you left. I believe I have found the cure to your problem."

"M-My problem?" Had his prayers been answered? Would he finally be rid of this horrible, HORRIBLE disease?

Gaius nodded again. "You must simply kiss Merlin."

"Whoa. Wait, wait, _wait_." Arthur was getting a bit sweaty all of a sudden. "You want _me_," Arthur gestured to himself and then Merlin. "To kiss _him_?"

"Yes, as it is the only way to pass Merlin's magic back to himself. That is the reason to why your beard seems a bit... _magical_, sire."

"Gaius, that sounds a bit out there..." Merlin tugged on his neckerchief, looking incredibly red.

"I'm sorry Merlin, but again it has to do with your _'Magical Puberty'_, and you really did not have any control in the matter."

"God, Mer_lin_. What kind of fairytale magic do you _have_? The damsel (Merlin had a retort on his lips, but Arthur made sure he couldn't say it by pressing a finger to his lips) kissing a sexy Prince to rid of a spell?" He knew this was Merlin's fault. Arthur made a long drawn out sigh. "If you say so."

And so Arthur threw off his helmet and (literally, because he was manly and a gentlemen) whisked Merlin off of his feet (it was sort of hard to do because Arthur had begrudgingly learned some time ago that Merlin was actually a tad taller than him) to plant a big (totally romantic) kiss on his manservant's lips which by the way felt incredible and he wondered why they hadn't done this sooner. So he kept doing it until Merlin finally started to join in. It was awesome and hot and dare he say _magical_ and was he getting a free squeeze of Merlin's tush? All in all the kiss was an 10, maybe even an 11.

It must have been literally magical because when it ended, after he had set Merlin back down, they both noticed that Gaius was frantically trying to put out a fire Merlin had caused by unknowingly making weapons spark. Arthur felt proud and really manly that he got such a reaction like that, as apparently practicing kissing his pillow whenever he had the free time to do so had really worked out in the end.

"Dear GOD Merlin, have you no self control?"

"Coming from the man who, without warning, picked me up to snog me senseless. That doesn't sound a bit impulsive to you?"

"I have plenty of self control."

"Mhmm." Stupid cute Merlin had to cross his arms while he said that. Just had to.

"If you two could stop bickering and help me with the fire-!"

After getting the fire out, Merlin was staring at him for a moment before his eyes widened quite considerably and Arthur almost (almost was the key word here) made a joke about it. Almost.

"Arthur." Merlin breathed.

"A late reaction to our kiss maybe? Hm, Merlin?" Arthur supplied. Perhaps Merlin was still swooning over him?

"No." Merlin said to him while a smile bloomed on his face. "Well yes, sort of. The kiss worked and your hair, your _beard_..."

Arthur felt his mouth drop open slightly, reaching forward to only _not_ find a long beard grasped in his fingers. He looked down at himself... _ginger beard_ free. He rushed over to some of the weapons, checking himself out in the reflections. He wanted to cry, but didn't and held it in. He was blonde again, but the best part was that he still had a beard. A blonde beard that was not horribly long and so bushy that it itched and it was just _normal_ again. Arthur had a perfectly normal (yet sexy, cause he was a sexy beast) beard.

"Well, you got the beard you so desperately dreamed about."

"You got your kiss."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "I never said that was what I wanted."

"You're just HORRIBLE at lying _Mer_lin. HORRIBLE." He paused. "But the best thing I got was you." He dashed over, giving Merlin another (undoubtedly romantic) kiss on the lips in his excitement not caring that Gaius (who was apparently looking on in approval) and that guard who just smelled awful (why was he still HERE?) was watching.

Merlin grinned cheekily after they parted, hands (a bit femininely) on his hips before sighing a put on sigh. "I guess this will be an interesting story to tell the children one day."

"The _WHAT?_"  
>_<p>

"And that kids, is how I met your mother." Arthur said proudly stroking his very manly and not-at-all ginger beard, bouncing one son on one knee and a daughter on the other while the other children sat around him in a circle. They were all near the fireplace, keeping warm from the autumn chill at night.

"That doesn't even make any sense." His oldest muttered, her eyebrows furrowed. "This story had no real focal point to it."

"_Daddy was a ginger! Daddy was a ginger_!" The youngest boy sang. Arthur was going to ignore that.

"You said it was about how you learned that mother had magic. And then it was about beards. And _then_ you changed it how you met mother." The girl said, crossing her arms in a very Merlin-like manner.

The oldest son spoke up. "How could you have met 'mother' for the first time if you had known him for years..."

Arthur looked on in annoyance. "_Fine_. 'Is how I knew he was going to be your mother'. Happy?" He corrected his earlier statement.

Merlin was behind all of them at the table, taking a sip of his tea before rolling his eyes and going back to his novel. He still smiled to himself none-the-less, as Arthur always told the strangest and most outrageous stories.

"I guess." The oldest son shrugged and the oldest daughter nodded in agreement.

"Daddy you tell the best stories ever!" The youngest girl hugged him around the neck. "Tell another one."

And then Arthur grinned and began to tell the story about how daft Merlin was (er, _used to be_) and there was something about a horse and a lake and it ended it Merlin falling in pooh and a bunch of other nonsense that made Merlin smile and laugh along. He rubbed his stomach gently, not believing they were going to have a fifth son or daughter soon.

THE END.

(A/N: Think we're total shite? Ask to be our beta then!)


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